DINING OUT
   1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
      cup, and pour   slowly  so as not to "bruise" the
      fruit of the vine.
   2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it
      with your fingers covering the label.

   ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
   1.  A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
       prepared by a  taxidermist.
   2.  Do not allow the dog to eat at the table... no matter
       how good his manners are.

   PERSONAL HYGIENE
   1.  While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a
       job that should be done in private using one's OWN
       truck keys.
   2.  Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
       several days.  However,  if you live alone, deodorant
       is a waste of good money.
   3.  Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-
       no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry
       and alter the taste of finger foods.

   DATING (Outside the Family)
   1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on
      the first date.
   2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested:  "I've
      been wanting  to go out with you since I read that
      stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
   3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected
      back.  Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say
      "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's
      responsibility to get her to school on time.

   THEATER ETIQUETTE
   1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked
      up immediately after the movie has ended.
   2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen.
      Tests have proven they can't hear you.

   WEDDINGS
   1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding
      gift.
   2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
      shot.
   3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux.  A leisure suit
      with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create
      a tacky appearance.
   4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for
      this special occasion.

   DRIVING ETIQUETTE
   1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if
      the gun is loaded,  and the deer is in sight.
   2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
      largest tires always has the right of way.
   3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
   4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can,
      it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
   5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle,
      especially when driving.
   6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral
      procession.

   TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
   1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
   2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
      them.
   3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
   4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change
      the sheets.
   5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the
      will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul
      to the funeral home.

-----

Submitted by Gary Hood - KFRS95A@Prodigy.com
If it will not matter in ten years, don't worry about it
now. (Woody Hood, ca1977)