A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions:

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will
   be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.  (This was the winning entry; Fred
   Dales at Microsoft Corporation in  Redmond, WA)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development
   team)

4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.  (Accounting
   Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.  (Advertising/Mktg.
   Mgr., UPS)

6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No  one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
   We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell
   them.  (R&D Super visor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I
   would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He
   said, "That would be better for me."  (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)

9. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is  not going to discuss it with the employees.  (AT&T
   Long Lines Division)

10. We recently received a memo from senior management  saying,  "This is to inform you that a memo will be
    issued today regarding the subject mentioned above."  (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

11. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him
    if tomorrow would be soon enough.  He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask
    for it!" (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)

13. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo from a large communications company:"
    Lucent Technologies is endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting
    business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality!"

--
If it will not matter in ten years, don't worry about it
now. (Woody Hood, ca1977)