Would the Standing Committee please sit down?

43.3% of statistics are meaningless!

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit.

For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients.

Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers.

Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.

Contents may have settled out of court.

If idiots could fly, then this would be an airport.

A day without sunshine is like night.

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago....

 Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.

Treat each day as your last, one day you will be right.

Old is always fifteen years older than I am.

5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.

The buck doesn't even slow down here!

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Don't question authority..... It hasn't got a clue!!!!!

Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

Multitasking = screwing up several things at once.

Don't take life too seriously, it's not permanent.

Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking.

Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.

History is a set of lies agreed upon by the Victor.

After four decimal places, nobody cares.

One good turn gets all the blankets.

War never decides who is right, only who is left.

A job is nice but it interferes with my life.

We do precision guesswork.

My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.

Don't let school interfere with your education.

A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.

 Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

 Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark.

How does AVON find so many women willing to take orders ?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

Mind Like A Steel Trap - nothing gets in, nothing gets out

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

 Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

If only women (or, men) came with pull-down menus and on- line help.

--

If it will not matter in ten years,
don't worry about it now. (Woody Hood, ca1977)