Are you a Guy?
Take this highly scientific quiz to determine your "Guyness Quotient."
1) Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence throughout the world. You decide to:

a. Give it to the President of the United States
b. Give it to the Secretary General of the United Nations
c. Take it apart

2) As you grow older, what aspect of your childhood do you miss the most?

a. Innocence
b. Idealism
c. Cherry bombs

3) When is it okay to kiss another male?

a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions
b. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips!)
c. When it's is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you must have him killed

4) When is it okay to hug another male?

a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease
b. If you're performing the Heimlich Maneuver (in which case you should repeatedly shout "I am just dislodging food trapped in this male's trachea!)
c. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, provided: 1) he is legally within the basepath and 2) you also fraternally pound the crap out of him

5) Complete this sentence: a funeral is a good time to ______:

 a. remember the deceased and console his loved ones
b. reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life
c. tell the joke about the cancer patient who gets hit by a truck
d. Try to sell everyone there on your latest MLM.

6) In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

a. A dog
b. A cat
c. A dog that eats cats

7) You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon while you're watching a football game and she's reading the newspaper, she suddenly turns to you and tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but that she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she is not asking whether you want to get married, only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

a. That you sincerely believe to two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready any time soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c. That you can't believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.

8) You've decided that you truly love a woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

a. You take her to a nice restaurant, and tell her after dinner.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, whisper her name, and when she turns to you with the sea breeze ruffling her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?

9) One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

a. Do they need to eat or anything?
b. They're in school already?
c. There are THREE of them?

Submitted by Maury Cagle - maury.cagle@ccmail.census.gov