The Night Before Christmas
THE NIGHT BEFORE
CHRISTMAS, LEGALLY SPEAKING
Whereas,
on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved
piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a
general lack of stirring
by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot
apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been
affixed by and around
the chimney in said House in the hope and/or
belief that St. Nick
a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus
(hereinafter "Claus")
would arrive at sometime thereafter.
The minor residents,
i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House,
were located in their
individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e.
dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not
limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did
dance, cavort and
otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party
of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as "I"), being
the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the
parts of the second
part (hereinafter "Mama"), and said Mama had
retired for a sustained
period of sleep. (At such time, the parties
were clad in various
forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without
prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
the unimproved real
property adjacent and appurtent to said House,
i.e. the lawn, a
certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or
circumstance. The
party of the first part did immediately rush to a
window in the House
to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the
party of the first part did observe, with some
degree of wonder
and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the
"Vehicle") being
pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
approximately eight
(8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared
to be and in fact
was, the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing
specific direction, instruction and guidance
to the approximately
eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified
the animal co-conspirators
by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner
and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon
information and belief,
it is further asserted that an additional
co-conspirator named
"Rudolph" may have been involved.)
The party of the
first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and
willfully trespass upon the roofs of several
residences located
adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and
noted that the Vehicle
was heavily laden with packages, toys and other
items of unknown
origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation
or permission, either
express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the
House, and Claus
entered said House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad
in a red fur suit, which was partially covered
with residue from
the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing
a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown
items.
He was smoking what
appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant
violation of local
ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak,
but immediately began to fill the stocking of the
minor children, which
hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and
other small gifts.
(Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts"
to said minor pursuant
to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax
Code.)
Upon completion of
such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and
flew, rose and/or
ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof
where the Vehicle
and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus
immediately departed
for an unknown destination.
However, prior to
the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from
said House, the party
of the first part did hear Claus state and/or
exclaim: "Merry Christmas
to all and to all a good night!" Or words to
that effect.
Respectfully Submitted,
s./ The
Grinch
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